Custody - My Adoption was a Travesty

Just yesterday I found out on line that my natural father, who I have always loved and adored, died on December 10, 2006. His legal name was Milan Kundich, and he was the most loving father a girl could ask for. My mom left him on my fifth birthday. He came to visit me often. He was so good to me. Then my mom met another man within a very short time who I did not like the first time I saw him. I had no idea who he was, he could have been a repair man, a neighbor, but my gut instincts were so strong, as most children's are, and I felt a danger about him. There was something that I picked up on that I immediately did not like. My mom married him, and I was cut off from seeing my natural father "Marlo" which is the name I knew him by. Then, a devastating blow hit me when my mom's second husband called me into their bedroom and said, "You can call me daddy now." I was then told I could leave the room. I was just six years old, and that began a sadness and blow to me that remained with me my entire life. I later found out that my second father pulled a gun on my natural father and threatened that he would kill him if he tried to see me. He's also put a loaded gun to my mom's head when she tried to leave him in 1985. She was petrified, and she never did leave even after decades of misery. I remember being six years old, and my mom and her second husband took me to Queens, New York Surrogate Court, along with my little sister, who was only three at the time. We were in the Judge's chambers, and I was legally adopted by mom's second husband. I felt my world shatter inside. All I wanted was to see my real father. I was told so many lies growing up. Lies like, "If your father really cared about you he would come and see you." Well how was he supposed to do that when he lost his parental rights? I was told that he "never tried to strop the adoption" which was another huge lie that lowered my self worth tremendously on top of the new life of physical, mental and emotional abuse I received from my adoptive father. Finally after twenty eight years of not seeing my natural father, I found him and went to see him in 1994. He met his grandchildren, my children, and he was as loving, gentle and kind as he always was. I was subjected to what people call "parental alienation" from him by my mom and second father. They spoke horribly and unjustly about him to me all of my life. Their words pierced me to the core when they would say things like, "If your father really loved you he would have been here and supported you all of these years." When I went to see my natural father in 1994, I went for "closure." I spoke with him several times, but then I backed away, moved, and did not contact him for a long time. I specifically asked him many questions, and the biggest one was, "Why didn't you show up to stop my adoption?" Well, he did show up. He was traveling from the Bronx into Manhattan when he hit a huge unexpected traffic delay that took hours to reach the court house. He arrived just as I was leaving the court house with my mom, sister and new adoptive father. Just yesterday I woke up crying literally out of the blue. I was shown and given a realization in my sleep about how my natural father was railroaded. I have been trying to find him for the last several months, but when I woke up with such strong emotions out of the blue, I went on a frenzied search to find him. I pulled out my original adoption papers and actually read them for the first time. It had me listed as a "Foster Child" which was a complete lie! Years ago I asked someone why my second father would adopt me when I never felt he loved me and he was so horribly abusive. Her answer was, "It was for control." I actually called Queens Surrogate Court, gave them the file number and told them that I wanted the adoption reversed, it was a lie and never should have happened. The clerk let me know, "An adoption cannot be revoked. But what you can do is contact your biological father and he can adopt you." He continued to inform me that, "Once a child becomes a legal adult you do not need your parent's permission to be re-adopted by your biological parent." So my frenzied search to find my real father began early in the morning and lasted for about eleven hours. He was no where to be found. Then, an idea popped into my mind to check the California death records. And there, I saw my dad's name, his accurate birth date, and his date of death. I broke down sobbing uncontrollably at the final loss of my real father. I let my mother know that my adoption never should have been initiated to begin with. I never should have been adopted, and I suffered from traumatizing abuse from my adoptive father, abuse that is shared in a few of my books. Less than a week ago, I registered a new book that is being released next year. It is called, "Adoption Shock: A Guide to Understanding and Forgiving." (ISBN-13: 978-0-9795161-3-9, Rose Group) Then, just four nights ago, in my sleep, I was given another book title for a new book also being released in 2008 called, "One More Goodbye." (ISBN-13: 978-0-9795161-4-6, Rose Group) If you are a parent reading this and you have a child who has a natural parent, please always allow your child the right to see their natural parent as long as there is not life threatening abuse. If you have been adopted, and you knew your biological parent and want to see him or her, please know this is okay. If you have lingering questions ask them! The truth always comes out in the end. I feel empowered to share that my legal adoption by my mom's second husband was a travesty. It was all for their benefit. And yes, I do forgive them because they had no idea what they were doing at the time, and that there was a much better way. That better way is called "open communication with a child's natural parent." I have one photo of me with my real father from 1994. it's out, sitting on my book "Dear God, How Can I Finally Love Myself?" I will turn around all of the pain I have been through to help others with my books, seminars and speaking events. I felt it was time to share the truth about unwarranted adoptions, and I hope this will help anyone in any positive way. ? 2007 Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved. Barbara Rose, Ph.D. is the best selling author of ten books including Dear God, I Have Teenagers. Please Help !, Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE, and Know Yourself. She is an expert in personal transformation, relationships, consciousness and spiritual awakening, and a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the nondenominational study and integration of humanity's God Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Dr. Rose is known for providing life changing answers, quick practical coaching and deep spiritual wisdom to people worldwide as the Founding Director of Institute of Higher Self Communication. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, spiritual intensives, teleseminars, webcasts, and internationally published articles transform the lives of millions across the globe. Dr. Rose works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Website: BornToInspire.Com Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Barbara_Rose,_Ph.D.